Shelby Ann-Marie

I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

People grow and change. That’s all fine and dandy…but now I don’t like them.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s them. When did they get so pretentious? When did I get so judgmental?

Regardless, I have no answers. All I know is that I don’t like bullshit which is crossing out old friends with new beliefs and attitudes.

After the age of five,

I realized that being an only child was better. No sharing, ANYTHING. I quit asking for some new little person to boss around. Unfortunately, it left me selfish. I can’t blame myself though. We live in a self-entitled society. 

Point is: I will be done with my college career May 8th AKA 44 days. I will not walk across the stage and shake hands with people who don’t give a shit about me. They want more money that I don’t care to give. If I went, I would text the people in the audience the whole time. I would throw up my middle fingers and shout that “It’s been fun getting ass raped for the last four years and I hope a natural disaster rids Oklahoma of this shit hole institution!” when I walked up. 

This is my selfish choice. I would rather take the $75 cap and gown money and buy roughly 25 bottles of 2 buck chuck at Trader Joe’s.

Right now, I don’t even care. I am coasting to get to the finish and get the piece of paper that says that I have patience and tolerance and basic skills to get me a job in my desired field. 

This is when the panic kicks in. I think about the last 15 years in my bedroom and what it might be converted into once i’m gone. I think about the 25K in college debt and how I can’t live in this state a second longer than I need to. Life is happening and I am watching it like an addictive episode of Girls. Complete with music.

It’s just me, dancing in my underwear to some empowering chick rock forgetting that the rest of my life starts in 6 short weeks. 

Sometimes…

you just have to take a shower bath and cry. For whatever reason. 

I am sleep deprived. and sick. and sad. and frustrated. and overwhelmed. and happy. and nervous. and a thousand other emotions/feelings.

Today was just a tough day.

…70 days until I graduate. 

…Working SXSW for the second time right now. Lots of opportunities coming from my guests at Registration this year. 

I need luck and thoughts and prayers that I will find a big girl job.

Time for sleep!